ChicoMax

The community didn’t greet us when we moved into our home last year; two African-American women moving into an all-Caucasian area were unseemly and unwelcome.  I am a woman in my fifties; white hair and obesity make me look much older than I am; while my fit and trim partner, in her 40’s appears to be in her late 20’s.   Our neighbors, just as everyone who (first) meets us, assumed we were mother and daughter; and for the sake of peace, we allowed them to think what they think. 
 
Prior to our move we’d set the date and began planning our wedding, which became increasingly difficult with each step.  We opted not to go to a state permitting same sex marriage because we wanted our family and friends present at our ceremony.  It seemed, no matter how hard we worked and planned, we were mired in the details; but time wasn’t.  One year quickly turned into one week; our anxieties heightened.  Our hapless situation worsened by the cloak of secrecy under which we operated.  To anyone who asked, we were “…helping friends with their wedding and hosting their reception in our home”.
 
We had the usual problems, (we won’t discuss my outfit) as with any wedding, but because we’re only “out” with family and close friends we had to be very careful as we proceeded.  The residents of Berks County, Pennsylvania are not very open-minded, and we ran into several problems while executing our “cloaked” same-sex wedding. 
 
Getting people to mail those SASE’s containing their R.S.V.P.’s was difficult; we actually received one the day before the wedding.  The flutist we’d hired to play during our processional … to accompany the vocalist … to solo during the ceremony not so politely backed out when she realized it was a same-sex ceremony.  So did the photographer, and two caterers; each one unabashedly returning our deposits without excuse.
 
Not to be deterred, our vocalist finally agreed to sing a` cappella.  Two weeks before the reception we decided on a menu we could serve ourselves by purchasing the foods from different vendors (and thank God for BJ’s Wholesale Club!).  One week before the wedding, a friend called to inform us that someone wanted to video and photograph our wedding; they asked permission to exhibit the pictures and video on their website.  Considering the fact that we’ve loved in secrecy for seven and a half years we would, normally, have said no; but because we’d faced such deliberate bias and bigotry how could we. 
 
Our (marriage license-less) wedding ceremony, sans paid flutist and paid photographer, was beautiful; our reception, sans paid caterer, hitch-less.  If a thing is to be, God, friends, family and steel-willed determination will make it happen. 
 
Marriage is a basic human right.  The people of the state, as well as State and Federal governments do not have the right to interfere with same-sex couples who choose to share in the commitment of civil marriage.  It is time for Berks County, Pennsylvania and the rest of the United States, not in compliance with same-sex marriage, to realize we have the right of choice as do heterosexuals. 
How sad it is to hide happiness, to be unable to share joy, that special day with the world as heteros do.  It is time to take a stand, and make the world realize that the promotion of hatred, exclusion and bigotry, in the name of God, is what destroys us all.